Note the lower case. The awards ceremony tonight was fine. The food was good. Well, I'm on a diet, but at least the food looked good. Very good, as a matter of fact. But I digress.
I want to say "I lost" because I didn't win. It feels more dramatic if I lost. But I'll just say I didn't win because I didn't. The award went to a film that I couldn't resonate with at all. I would have felt better if at least the film and the filmmaker I admire would have won. But he didn't win either. A rap music video won.
I hate that it meant so much to me. I hate that I attached to it.
But I did.
And now I can stop blogging and feel thankful that I only have three followers because this is something I don't want a lot of people to know: that I cared about winning, that I felt somewhat robbed, that I put my heart and soul into this documentary about jazz musicians trying to help the homeless and that is going to have to be enough for tonight.
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